Buss's Weblog

Buss Grows Up

2012-01-12T09:23:00.000-08:00

You know…I’d forgotten about this place.

Seriously…three and a half years since I’ve posted? Looking back, I think writing was a way to deal with my depression and anxiety. It was a way to get my voice out there while in a job and a life in general where I felt I wasn’t being heard by anybody.

And I cannot believe how much my life has changed in that tiny amount of time. As the clock neared midnight on New Year’s Eve, my wife and I looked back, as I’m sure many people do, on the years before us and the year to come. I had to marvel at how, in a couple measly summers, that our lives had changed far more dramatically than it had in the previous ten years combined. Through some VERY hard work and a VERY supportive wife and network of family and friends, I managed to finish school and graduated Summa Cum Laude with my bachelor’s degree. While doing my capstone project, I seized an opportunity to use that project to build an application for a local company on the outside chance that it might be seen as a six-month long job interview. Turned out, I was right. They hired me on a month or two before the project finished.

This means I am no longer with the company I’ve written a few entries about, and no longer working for the boss I was working for (to my one former boss who has any chance of reading this, I am not referring to you. You have been a solid friend and I truly appreciated working for you during the short time that I was). I’m working in my new field and have been immensely enjoying myself since I started. That may sound weird, I know, but going to work makes me feel like I’m accomplishing something. I may only be arranging ones and zeroes around, but when I build a process it feels like I’ve made something (more or less) permanent.

Enough on that. Suffice it to say, the change, and the chance to start over, has been very good for me. I will always value the “family” I had collected while at my old job, and try to keep in touch as much as we are able, but it was time to move on.

Graduating, though, was one of the five biggest moments of my life. In high school I knew I was going to go to college, and use that as a springboard for…whatever I wanted to do. Walking down the aisle to get my diploma with a gold cord draped over my shoulders was not only proof that I was NOT as dumb as I was previously convinced I was, but finally completing something I had secretly been beating myself up for in the last decade or so. My stepfather, who I have had issues with for many years, choked up as I walked. That itself meant I had graduated in more ways than one. :-)

But even that was dwarfed later that year when probably the single biggest event of my life occurred…the birth of our daughter.

I have never experienced such a surreal moment at when she was handed to me and I just sat there holding her and counting fingers and toes. My life had changed so much, and yet it was about to change so much more. No degree, no job, nothing else can compare with the job title of “Daddy”.

I have to keep that part short, as I can likely drone on about her all day. She’s getting closer and closer to her second birthday now, and she can still blow me away with her smile. I kind of laughed when these commercials say “when you’re ready to love more than you’ve ever loved before”, but I now understand. She’s the single best thing I’ve ever accomplished.

Since then, life has been largely raising her and trying to work my way up in my new career. We sold our house and built a new one this last year, and spent the holiday season in our new home. It doesn’t feel like home yet, but I seem to remember that taking a year or so before as well. The house is absolutely gorgeous, and I look forward to truly settling in completely.

Lest this post just be a brag session (anybody reading this likely knows all this stuff anyway), I have also been reflecting lately on how all this stuff came about. It took more than a bit of luck, but honestly a lot of the changes in my life have been accomplished through hard work and the courage to make decisions that aren’t easy or safe. Going back to school was damned scary, as I’ve written previously. Even knowing it was one of the only ways out of the rut I was in, it was going to be incredibly expensive and difficult, and I wasn’t sure I was smart or enterprising enough to handle it. But in the end it just required me to set it as my goal and not give myself the option to fail. The decision to step up and take on the capstone project for this outside company meant that we’d have a more difficult time than most projects, as we had to conform to a real business environment. While we could have stopped with minimal work and documentation and probably passed, we went a lot further, and it paid off by landing me a job even before I graduated. When our professor called us outside and told us what a tremendous job we’d done, and asked if he could use our project as an example to show people how well not only the class, but how well the IT program itself was doing at educating people, it was worth every second we had invested.

I also think back on my previous job, and realize this outlook could have created an entirely different working environment for me. Any job is capable of being horrid or great, and it’s often the attitude that it’s approached with that defines your experience. I didn’t excel at my last job because I didn’t want to do the job. It wasn’t what I had gone to school for, and while some aspects were very enjoyable, the day-to-day tasks that the job entailed were a lot of what I didn’t like about my field. It’s not the job’s fault; it was simply that I’d had it with the entire thing. So while I do not believe my former working environment was the healthiest, I acknowledge and accept that I could have still made it a great job, yet I chose not to…so I have to accept some of the blame as well. I’m taking this as a learning experience, and at my new job I keep a sharp lookout for the same sorts of attitude problems in myself. These are lessons I will never forget, and I always try to be and do my best.

This whole “courage and hard work” philosophy has really changed me and how I approach life. I’ve stopped running from life-changing choices just because I don’t want to create ripples or problems for myself. I acknowledge that very little in life is handed to us, and I understand that if I want something, I have to be willing to work hard to get it, and believe that it’s possible. I also have to hold myself and my work to a high standard, and make sure I can be proud of my accomplishments when I’m done. Keep doing that...task by task, day by day...and you’d be amazed at what you can do.

Making these choices and changing my attitude has improved my life in every way possible. I feel like I’ve lived more in these three and a half years, than I have in a long time, and only more major life changes to come in this next year!

So maybe I’ll head back over here every once in awhile. Not to ease my depression, but to occasionally write down a few thoughts pinging around my head. Until then...

“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” - Lao Tzu

Zombie Apocalypse!

2008-08-10T10:35:00.001-07:00

I heard this just now on a podcast I frequently listen to whilst mowing and thought it was awesome.

Say you're in a mall, and it becomes overrun with zombies. You have one weapon of your choice, one song to blast on a stereo, and one famous person or character to fight alongside you.

Which do you choose?

My precious.....

2008-08-07T10:03:00.000-07:00

Thanks to the new every 2 discount and a bit of a price break for working at Wells Fargo, I managed to get ahold of a Blackberry Pearl as my new phone.

I've wanted a smartphone since I broke my PDA. I adored having the task list and the calendar for reminders, but I hated having the cell and a PDA to carry around. I was going to get a Palm Centro smartphone, which was just as cheap as the Pearl, but didn't require a data plan. I blame the wife for derailing that plan. While we were in Verizon she looked at me with this compassionate loving expression and asked me very simply which phone I wanted. Of course the BB was the one I wanted, so she said to go for that one.

I really think our thought processes differed a bit on this. To her it was just trying the Pearlout to know what the alternatives were, so I wouldn't always be wondering. But to me, I already knew the Pearl was a more complex and feature-filled phone than the Centro, but it also required the data plan. So a week later when we started discussing whether I'd take the Pearl back for the Centro, the one thing that I was dwelling on was that now that I knew what the Pearl was like I would spend two years pissed at the Centro for every little thing that the Centro couldn't do as well.

(Note I say this without knowing precisely what the Centro is capable of. I just know most if not all reviews mention that the Centro is a nice phone, but it just doesn't have some of the features of the Pearl.)

Long story short, I think I'm sticking with the Pearl. If we nix the data plan I'll go back to the Razr and just use the Pearl for the task list and calendar.

I've found there is a honeymoon phase with any new toy like that, and I'm currently in it now. Every day I'm spending time looking up every guide and free software site and forum site on it, trying to glean a few more tidbits of information on how to best use it. Unfortunately the one thing I have yet to master is the phone part (namely the sound profiles and volume bits). That and SMS and MMS. My Razr just had 'texting'. Which MS is the equivalent to 'texting' is something I'm still wrestling with.

I despise saying this, but it may finally be time to RTFM. :-P

Colorado Trip Day 4 - The Family

2008-07-29T06:59:00.000-07:00

Okay here is where I start failing everybody. Sunday we had our big family cookout. The entire trip I had my camera held fast in my hand, but once the sunburn set in (about the time we hit Estes Park again the previous day), I was a bit too distracted to snap pictures. So the one thing I should have taken pictures of didn't get any. :-(

The cookout was at Uncle Bill's again, with Bill, Grandma, Ray, Brandi and myself being joined by my Aunt Mary and her husband Lyle, Ray's son Jay and his wife Bambi and their little ones, Bill's son Bill Jr. Bill's daughter Ann and her two little ones and one or two other members as well. I had a great time talking to people I haven't seen in far too many years, but I was in enough pain that it was a little...distracting for me. But I got a chance to talk with Lyle for the first time, met my cousin Jay and his wife for the first time ever, and it was good to hang with the side of my family I never get to see for awhile as well and hear all the old stories about how they grew up, about my dad and the type of person he was, and about how life was back then.

That night, Grandma, Ray, Brandi and myself stayed up for a bit and had some wine, cheese and crackers and talked and told more stories and all got a bit tipsy. It was a nice and informal way to end a long and fun trip.

Colorado Trip Day 3 - The Rockies

2008-07-29T05:47:00.000-07:00

We woke up on Day 3 to breakfast cooked by my Uncle Ray (I have never in my life had eggs, hashbrowns and pork chops for breakfast, but it was pretty tasty) and he, Brandi and myself took off in his convertible towards the Rocky Mountains.

The best way in the world to see the mountains will always be to walk or climb up them. I dream about someday taking a backpacking hike through the Black Hills or Rockies and travel for a few days. That being said, if you don't have the time and gumption for a backpacking trip, the second best way to see them has to be in a convertible. It was all open air and sunshine and a view I can't even begin to describe....

First stop was Estes Park and the Stanley Hotel. This is where Stephen King wrote The Stand, and where the movie was shot. More recently the Ghost Hunters did an investigation there and I believe declared it one of the most haunted hotels in America. Sadly all we could do was drive through the parking lot and look at it up close, but it was cool seeing it.

We continued up Fall River Road, which eventually wound up to Chasm Falls, which is where Brandi and I were officially engaged. We hiked down to the bottom of the falls and saw a guy setting up a camera tripod with a bunch of other equipment and his two daughters helping him. We asked one of the girls if they'd take a picture of us with our camera.

After another hour or two of winding roads and breathtaking views, we pulled up to the top of Fall River Road, where it met up with the larger Trail Ridge Road. At the top there is a little cafeteria area, gift shop, a really nice overlook point, and a trail leading yet further up the hillside. The trail looks like the sort of incline that a reasonably out of shape person could easily tackle if given some time. The only problem with this theory is that this particular trail is a filthy filthy liar....

Sure it looks like a pleasant walk, but the thin air this high up gives you the stamina of someone 20 years your senior...and very out of breath. The fun of finally being out of the car lasts until about step four, and by the time you're halfway up you are fantasizing about that car seat. Or at least I was.

Brandi on the other hand, who was up here many many years ago and crapped out on step 3 or so, seemed to be doing okay. Not great mind you...nobody runs up this trail....but she walked the same speed and got the entire way up this time around. Yay Brandi!

And at the top of this trail, the view gets even better. It's almost 360 degrees of pure "Wow!". You can see out for miles and miles and miles, and since it's all a preserved national park, you're seeing nothing but trees and rock and snow and rivers and wildlife. I've often heard of God's country....I have to believe this is it.

After coming down from the trail, we did some gift shopping and descended Trail Ridge road towards Estes Park again. We stopped at the Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory (for Brandi) and the Estes Park Brewery (for me), and a small winery with free samples (for both of us). Then we had to hightail it back to Greeley to meet my Grandma and Uncle Bill for grilled steaks and steak fries for supper.

Also along the way back down I noticed something else....annoying. Remember when I mentioned the sun? Yeah my skin had turned a very alarming shade of red, and by this point it'd started seriously hurting, so I went to bed early.

Colorado Trip Day 2 - The Black Hills

2008-07-26T19:10:00.000-07:00

Well a brief trip summary after that night.

We started our Friday off by going to get old-time photos done of ourselves (a place in Keystone just puts them on a CD for you so you can get some or all printed as you want). It wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be. The guy doing the shooting was pretty cool, and Brandi and I kinda got into the fun of posing for silly old west pictures.

We then headed out of Keystone towards Cosmos, which is an interesting optical illusion made by a cabin being built on the side of a fairly steep hill, but angled out from the side as if it were level ground. This meant that to keep balance we needed to stand straight up, which meant according to our perceptions we were seriously leaning to the side. I knew the illusion before I even walked into the place and I still got major vertigo when I walked in. Fortunately closing my eyes for a few seconds reoriented my balance, but the interesting part is that even though I know how things were supposed to be, my brain just couldn't wrap itself around the fact that the cabin was build leaning out, not straight up. All in all, Cosmos is an interesting place because of that illusion, but if that isn't the kind of thing you're into, don't waste your money on it. Cosmos is not the Bermuda Triangle of the Black Hills (that is Rapid City).

We then went to see Mt. Rushmore and eat some lunch, then took a serious wrong turn trying to go south to Jewel Cave and ended up driving through Black Hills National Forest (which was good and all except for the being lost part) and finally made our way down to the cave, only a half hour or so late.

Jewel Cave had actually had a power failure due to a storm that came through the night before, and tours were running late already, but Brandi gave her big-sad-eyes look to the person handing out tickets and got us on a tour that was only an hour or so after we got there. We did go on the tour, it was awesome (for me anyways...I love caves), and we left the Black Hills headed for Cheyenne about two hours late.

At 10PM we finally pulled into Greeley, CO and found my grandmother's house. She was still awake waiting for us (thanks Grandma), and we talked a bit and hit the hay.

Top war crimes suspect arrested in Serbia

2008-07-22T17:43:00.000-07:00

Let's hear it for justice!

Being a die-hard hippy Democrat, I'm not usually one for hellfire and wrath against our fellow human beings, but Karadzic deserves any horrible death he gets and whatever dark fate is waiting for him afterward. The torture and massacre he is responsible for is on a level that we have trouble even grasping.

Screw this guy. I hope some sense of comfort is brought to the families of all those he is responsible for killing and to all those he's responsible for s3xually abusing when he is ushered out of his mortal coil. I can guarantee you that if half the stories about him are true, he gave out far more misery than he's going to get.

Colorado Trip Begins (Keystone, SD)

2008-07-17T20:02:00.000-07:00

Today we started off our Black Hills/Colorado vacation. After working the morning, we took off towards Keystone, SD. After stopping for an awesome burger at Al's Oasis for lunch, we hit Keystone in time to go to the President's Slide, which essentially has us riding up in a ski lift chair to an area that has a nice view of Mt. Rushmore and a burger, brat and beer place, then you ride down the hill on a wheeled cart. While the ski lift wasn't my favorite part of the day (I haaate heights), admittedly after the ride through the hills with my wife driving, it seemed...less scary.

We then shopped around Keystone and had a great dinner on the boardwalk at a place where the women dressed up like cowboy women of ill repute (I'm sure I'll eventually remember what we ate and drank), went mini-golfing, and came back to the hotel room to finally rest.

Tomorrow, we do an old time photo, maybe Mt. Rushmore, Jewel Cave, and then we take off for Greeley, CO (where I was born) to visit my grandma and aunt and uncles. Saturday we head off to Fall River Road and Estes Park, CO and then do family stuff until we come home on Monday.

I doubt I'll have any net connection until then, but I'll keep stuff written down if and when I can and post it when I get back to civilization.

Random thought....

2008-07-07T06:11:00.000-07:00

I think we should give taglines to our regular everyday farewells like the Price is Right hosts do. Obviously it wouldn't have to be to spay or neuter pets...but something else important to us at the time.

"Have a good night everybody, and remember.....wash your f#$@ing hands when you go to the bathroom. Bye!"

Snow Day!

2008-07-02T07:43:00.000-07:00

About twice a year or so, the network goes down where I work. Being in a satellite office, this pretty much takes out any ability we have to do anything productive.

It really is kind of like a snow day for us. We get up and wander out of our cubes, rubbing our eyes and looking around. We start wandering the hallways talking and laughing and having a good time. We'd go sledding, but we can't quite get the cube walls angled enough to give us a good start.

It only lasted for an hour and a half this time around, but it's occasionally nice to get up, talk and get to know the chuckleheads that work around me every once in awhile.

The more I hear about and see the WiiFit the more I want it. The mere thought of a snowboarding or skiing game where you steer by leaning excites me in borderline wrong ways. SSX game + WiiFit board = Happy Chris. The Wii is truly becoming the party console of choice.

Summer Movies

2008-07-01T09:27:00.000-07:00

As with most summers, I find myself weighing the need to see all the damned cool movies with the need to save money for my next electronics purchase (in this case, the Xbox360 fund). This means that I can't see quite as many movies as I'd like to over the summer.

Last summer was a tragedy. I saw a total of one movie last summer....Transformers. And don't get me wrong...I'm very glad I did. Michael Bay action-type movies have a way of not translating so well into the small screen, so I knew that one I'd have to see in the movie theater or I'd regret it.

This year I've seen both Marvel movies: Iron Man and The Incredible Hulk. Iron Man is, without a doubt, the most fun superhero movie I've seen in a very very long time. Marvel couldn't have done better with its new Avengers-based movies right out of the gate. In most circumstances, I try and go into a movie with realistic expectations of what that movie is going to provide me, from drama to plot twists to action, and I note to myself what I loved and what I hated upon exiting the theater.

Knowing this was a comic-book action movie...I really can't say I found much here to hate, and there was a lot to love. Iron Man has potential to be not only my favorite movie of the summer, but of the last few summers. Awesome movie.

The Hulk I have to say surprised me a bit. The previous Hulk film both sucked and blew (no offense to Ang Lee, but I absolutely despised the film, and that was hard to do with me being completely in love with Jennifer Connelly and all), so I can't really say when I walked in if I was predisposed to hate the film, or if I set the bar so much lower that I was prepared to like anything that wasn't as horrid as the previous one.

But actually this Hulk movie was actually downright enjoyable. It wasn't as good as Iron Man, but I had fun watching it, which is more than I can say about the last go-around with this property. Norton does well as Banner, and a lot of stuff was taken from the TV show (LOVED the green eyes!), which is how I was first introduced to the Hulk. They of course had the shared continuity with Iron Man (hopefully a prelude to the Avengers movie coming out in the next few years), and even showed The Leader's origin. I also thought the South American slum city he was in during the first part of the movie kicked ass. So all in all I have to say it was a pretty fun action flick.

Movies this summer I'm still looking forward to? Well Indiana Jones just became a cheap theater movie after various reviews I've read and heard, so Batman and Hellboy 2 are the other two I'll likely shell out for. Those two each have the potential to unseat Iron Man as my favorite movie this year. X-files and The Mummy.....weeeeee'll wait and see.

Keeping my resolutions.

2008-06-27T06:17:00.000-07:00

Hi all.

I'm really sorry it's been so long (long even for me), and that I ended things on such a depressing note. Normally I'm actually a pretty positive and upbeat person. It's just that in the last 5 years or so, I've been finding myself in more and more of a rut.

New Years' is the worst. All I can think about is being in the same situation, the same position, the same place in my life on Dec 31 of the next year, and realizing how much I hate it all.

Brandi knows how unhappy I am, and it's having an effect on our marriage, as I turn into a miserable d!ck who can't help but lash out at those around him. It just...seems like I'm watching my life slowly end.

So, with her help and support I'm going to try to keep my resolution this year.

In early March, I started looking around for schools, and in April I started classes at Colorado Technical University to get my bachelor's degree in IT Software Development. My hopes are that I can use this to advance my career and become a programmer. I've loved what little programming I've done, I love to build things, and I can be extremely anal-retentive when I want to be, so I hope I can be at least adequate in the field.

To say I have an eclectic bunch of classes is a gross understatement. With my associate's degree, I have classes here and there already taken, so I don't exactly fit into the program, as I have about half my classes transferring in. So initially in April they put me into two freshman courses (Comp II and Precalc) and my very first junior level course (UNIX Systems Programming).

I won't kid you....school scared the living piss out of me. I hadn't taken a school course in 9 years....and a math course in fifteen. And I did start out a bit shaky...where I used to get by on brainpower, I actually had to put in some time and work this time around. A LOT of work. I am working full time and (when I can) going to school full time, which doesn't allow for a lot of free time through the week. But I survived it, and I'm happy to say that a week or so ago I finished out the quarter with a 4.0 GPA. That's right...I just aced a math course, AND my first 300-level programming course. I have no illusions on maintaining a 4.0 throughout school, but it was a good, strong start and I'm taking a couple weeks to feel proud of myself before we start things up again with Macroeconomics, and then a 5.5 week Advanced Web Publishing course that will have me in class from 5:30 - 10:30 every Wednesday night.

So life is busy, but really really good lately. My neck issues have lessened to being downright livable, and my depression is also largely subsiding. I've found out that I haven't totally lost my capacity for learning, and I'm doing well at school.

Hopefully in the future, I will be putting Negative Nancy away a bit more often, and writing about things that genuinely amuse or tick me off, and not so much with the "Woe is me" crap.

In other news, my wife has decided to support the spirit of the tax bonus thingy and book a Hawaiian cruise for December. Given she just won another $1k on top of that, and how supportive and understanding she's been with school, I really don't have the heart to say no. So 9+ hours on a plane each way looms in my future. Joy.... But even I am not totally immune to the fun and excitement that comes with going to Hawaii.

Stupid New Years.... :-(

2008-01-05T17:08:00.000-08:00

I tend to hate this time after New Years. We've just come down off of our eggnog-laced Holiday highs, the nice relaxing vacation days have ended and it's time to return to work once again. This year was no exception. I spent New Years Day in a bit of a funk, worried more than anything about being in the same exact place I am now by this time next year.

I've been really feeling lately that I'm in a rut. I feel like I'm in a dead-end job with just enough of a raise to pay for the health insurance increases, and I'm noticing more and more that my mind is just getting lazy. It's tough to realize that I don't know half of what I did when I was just out of school, and it takes a lot more effort to learn new things than it used to.

I don't want to get too down in the dumps here. My life could certainly be a lot worse than it is now. I have a wife, a dog, a house and a car at 32, and a reasonable expectation that I will have all of these things by this time next year. I don't really have any advancement chances where I am now, but I have steady work and steady pay. We're even hoping to be able to start a family this year.

I just wish for more sometimes. Okay...I wish for more a lot. I wonder if this is the start of an early mid-life crisis, or it's just me waking up and realizing that I'm not happy with myself lately.

I think more than anything else, my New Years' resolution is to try to drastically change something about my life. Something so that I know 2008 happened, and will remember it for the rest of my life as the year I ____. What that is and how I'd do it, I have no idea. I will by all means let you know when I do. :-)

Updates

2007-12-18T17:06:00.000-08:00

Been a bit since I have blogged anywhere, so I figure I had best take advantage of what time I have and get at least SOME sort of update down.....

Something I hope I can someday remedy by the way. I've found that the more I write anything down in some form of journal, the easier it gets. It also helps to take a step back and look at life once in awhile. :-)

Where to begin.....

Well early part of this year we finished our first actual home rennovation project by replacing our tub and wall unit (which had cracked). Which then led into repainting. Which then lead into redoing the flooring. Which led into redoing the hardware.... By the end, two months had passed, I could tell my stepfather, who had volunteered to help us replace our bathtub, was getting a tiny bit frustrated at wasting his weekends at our house, and we are pretty sure everything is working more or less the way it should. I can't say we exactly increased the value of our home (aside from no longer having a cracked bathtub), but I got to actually do things a homeowner should do (like plumbing and spackling and swearing a lot and spending a borkload of money), and our more polite guests claim our bathroom looks halfway decent.

In February I hit the one year mark on my nasty headaches. They got bad enough that I went to see a neurologist, who eventually sent me in to get an MRI. Thankfully it came back negative, and we are now looking at it being neck issues that are translating up into my head. I've tried adjustment, which sorta worked, and exercises, which sorta work, and lately have been doing acupuncture AND adjustments, which sorta works better than either of the other two. Yay for Eastern medicine!

In May, my wife and I celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary. You'd think we would be buying each other insane gifts and going on huge romantic trips, but with the bathroom money pit, we decided to take a few days off and not tell anybody we weren't going anywhere. We didn't answer the phone for the 4 day weekend and stayed around home and ate out and shopped around here. I'm not sure how Brandi feels, but to me, it was pretty memorable anyways. :-)

June saw my birthday, and with it a surprise party. Brandi actually planned a huge party with a lot of people and food and such and I didn't find out more than that SOMEthing was going on. Sure it was essentially my birthday present, but hell I've never had a surprise party before, so it was pretty damn cool. Then we hit July and since I couldn't very well throw her a huge party back, I bought her an above-ground swimming pool, which she's wanted for a very very long time. Making up for creativity with money....the way of the American Husband.

I learned a couple things with this pool. First off.....don't buy a used pool and believe the rummage sale lady when she says "Oh all this stuff is pretty self-explanatory" as a way to cover up the lack of instructions. Sure plugging everything into the right holes is easy enough, but the rest can be a pain figuring out. Secondly, your yard is NOT as level as you think it is. We had the damned thing half full and it was stretching into an alarming oval shape until the side gave out and started spilling hundreds of gallons (I wish I was kidding) of water into our yard at 2AM. I was dumb enough to go out and check on it, and spent the next half hour bailing out the yard directly downhill from the pool, praying it wouldn't wash out what little grass I had left.

Next day and the other side of the yard, we had the thing up and filled and all the equipment set up, and I then got to play chemist with the water, trying to get it just right for swimming. Remember when you were a kid and spent all day running through the hose water? Well apparently now it's full of Very Bad Things, requiring us to buy Very Expensive Chemicals to kill them all.

In all seriousness, it wasn't so bad compared to the fun we got out of it the rest of the summer. I couldn't get her out of that pool until September. So all in all, it wasn't the worst present, and I promised not to be too bitter about the huge circle of dead grass in my backyard.....

September saw us through one of the bigger changes of our year.....Brandi's gastric bypass surgery. Health issues and our hopes of starting a family kind of brought us to this decision. I spent a day in the hospital waiting room with her parents waiting and checking a computer screen every ten minutes, and eventually she woke up and was assigned a room. She was wheeled into the room, barely awake, and I waved at her from the hallway and she smiled.

My wife and I have our problems, but seeing her alive and safe and allright and smiling at me was the best I'd felt this year. I had no idea how worried I was until I knew she was okay.

We spent three days in the hospital where she slept a lot and I thankfully got wireless on my laptop and was on WoW for 8 hours+ a day, and then we got home and the hard part started. Diets and medicines and sickness and weird comlplicated instructions and pain and KNOWING that I couldn't screw anything up or she'd get even more sick. Sadly looking back on it I know things were actually going very WELL for her, but it sure didn't feel like it at the time.

Still, now she's 70(!!) lbs lighter, and DEFINITELY doing better. The biggest thing I have noted? She parks at the back of the parking lot now. We used to spend forever circling for a parking spot close to whatever store or resteraunt we were heading towards, but now she is more than happy to park towards the back if there are no spots and hoof it. I could literally not be more proud of her.

Halloween we attended a haunted house and adult party held at our Washington Pavillion's Kirby Science and Discovery Center. The haunted house was okay (you could tell it was the first year running it), and the party was very interesting. Adults in a kiddie science center are always fun to watch, but add in ALCOHOL and it was classic. People would be clustered around the exhibits marvelling at things we've all seen before (or we SHOULD have if our schools were any good) and just FASCINATED by it all. Me...I was fascinated by the costumes. Not only the naughty ones (though there were more than a few)...but seeing Imhotep walking around with Cleopatra, standing behind two Hillbilies and next to a deadhead (literally) was just.....FUN. I am an absolute NUT for Halloween, and actually doing something for the holiday was awesome. I think the wife got into it a bit too. We hit the costume shops on Nov 1, and have procured ourselves a couple costumes for next year. :-)

So I have to say it's been a pretty good year going into the holiday season. Good anniversary, good birthday, and a good Halloween? Hey I can't complain.

2006-10-11T09:08:00.000-07:00

Well....I think I'm going to live. :-)

The Neurologist did indeed send me to get an MRI, and the results came back normal. I had some additional bloodwork done to test my thyroid and that came back normal too. So we're guessing that the headaches are a result of stress, and my muscles back there forgetting how to relax.

Then the doc promptly went on a 10 day vacation, so I'm kind of waiting around for him to come back and tell me what I need to do to get better. I want to get better soon...the wife is losing her patience with my complaints.

We are heading to San Antonio, TX next month for a business meeting. It's going to completely suck for us to buy a plane ticket, but I want Brandi to go. We're staying near the Riverwalk, and last time I was there on business I spent most of the time wishing she was there with me to see it. Now that that has a chance of actually happening, I want to make sure she has the opportunity.

So all I have to do now is survive another few plane rides and I think I can relax about the death thoughts for awhile. Amazing how getting a procedure like this done makes you think the worst, no matter how unlikely the worst actually is.

In other news, God help me, I have set up a MySpace profile....

Once it seemed solely the realm of children and child predators, but somehow while I wasn't looking it appears that MySpace has evolved into an almost Napster-like phenomenon. You hear it mentioned in movies, you see integration with it as a feature for new techie toys. Everybody from famous personalities to that weird dude in high school seems to have a MySpace profile up and running. I had two family members who hadn't talked in ages get together last Christmas and start geeking out about how they found each others' MySpace profile and started chatting online.

Now I'm not the most social person in the world, and I generally like to control the amount of time I'm being bugged by other people....especially those I feel somewhat obligated to actually talk to. But so many people seem to be jumping on the bandwagon that I figure something must be up. Even the snooty Geek Elite have stopped making XML web applications and sticking their collective noses up at the latest games long enough to establish a presence on MySpace. So I'm curious.

I don't have a URL for the profile yet, and my title name is....(get ready to be amazed)...Christopher. No info is up yet and I've sent one friend invite to a buddy who has also set up his own profile. Oh and I think I signed up as an alumni of my high school. But when I get anything more up there I'll at least post here about it. I figure I'll give it the ol' college try.

Sophie is doing well. The ball of fluff is about ten times the size she was when we got her, and well over ten times the energy level. She can walk beside me nicely now and can sit on command....both only if we have her collar and leash on her of course. The dog is smart, and she is smart enough to know when we can't catch her. :-P

I recently ordered the 12th installment of the Final Fantasy series. Man they are becoming less games and more events lately. This one distinguishes itself by having a preorderable Collector's Edition, complete with bonus DVD for the low low price of $10 more than the already huge price of the game and the strategy guide (which also has a collector's edition). But Square Enix can sell the games at those prices, because people will pay any price for them and still count themselves lucky.

I count myself as a rabid, drooling, absolute fanboy of any and all Final Fantasy games. I own all of the US releases (yes even Mystic Quest) and have even, thanks to the development of blatantly illegal game ROMs, played lamely translated versions of the Japanese-only games. Note I said owned not necessarily finished...but I try. That fact being what it is, I cannot help buying the Collector's Edition, for fear I'd miss some wonderful bit of knowledge or artwork on the bonus DVD that I'd forever kick myself for later in life. I knew as soon as my buddy Aaron told me about it that I was going to somehow scrape together the $60 for it. I whined and complained and stormed and raged against every stupid Collector's Edition ever made....but in the end my butt was still at Software Etc. preordering the damn thing.

The major effect this has had is that I have to cancel my World of Warcraft subscription for the next few months, which means I'll be late on getting the expansion pack for that one (which also has a Collector's Edition). I haven't been without a functional MMO account of some form since waaay back in the days of Everquest. Thus far withdrawal has not hit me, but I haven't had my share of nights with little free time since I ordered it.

See the advantage of WoW is that it's mindless, and barring a few major event dungeons, EVERYTHING can wait for the casual gamer who has like 30 minutes or so to play. Granted I don't get a lot of socializing done that way, but somehow that comforts me to know I'm once again in control of when people communicate with me. Final Fantasy....as with many console RPGs...is not so amicable. It can be a vindictive mistress, demanding your attention for hours at a time, because 1. you can't just save and log out anywhere you want, and 2. the storyline is ALWAYS going on. This means you turn on the PS2 and you commit to it for awhile. Not something easy to do for someone who is already stretched to the limit for time.

So why did I buy it anways, knowing all this? Easy. It's Final Fantasy.

Brandi doesn't quite get my insane need to hand over another ten-spot to a company for a bonus DVD I can just watch at a friend's house yet, so I'm going to check the market for Collector's Edition shoes and purses. I figure I can make my first million right there.

Less fun than I'd like....

2006-09-13T13:58:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow I'm heading to see the Neurologist.

Man I hate this crap....

It's really not inconvenience or discomfort. This isn't like going in for a dental cleaning. The main problem I have is that I can't help but think horrible thoughts about what might be found. I've had constant headaches for seven months now. That isn't NORMAL....and no matter how many people tell me it's stress or muscle tension or neck trouble, in the end I know they have no real idea and it could be something....worse.

And it's not like tomorrow is likely to bring any real resolution to my problem. He is so busy that it took a month to get in to see him (my family doctor quite obviously doesn't think it's very important), and if my experiences with other people I've gone to with this problem are any indication, it'll be a ten minute session where he tells me to get an MRI and MAYBE puts me on some higher form of stress or muscle relaxer meds. I have been sitting for months thinking "what if it's....worse?" and I know any real knowledge is at least a week or more out.

I've heard stories of people with similar symptoms with it being simple muscle tension...some of them have gone on for more than ten months and have included fainting with the pressure. I guess I go out to look at them every once in awhile to comfort myself. Because my symptoms aren't constant, but they really getting any better either.

So in short, I'm scared. No matter how much I should or shouldn't be, the possibilities REALLY terrify me. I'd give almost anything to feel better and want to get working on what I need to in order to get there, but as much as I have been looking ahead to tomorrow as the start of the path (or at least this leg of it), I'm afraid I'll end the day with as little information as I started it.

Until the time comes, I'm really going to try not to think about any of this, and I'm trying to head to my appointment with the understanding that he won't be able to tell me what is wrong with me right away. So wish me luck.

Updates coming soon....

2006-07-25T09:44:00.000-07:00

Two posts and not a mention of the puppy....shame on me.

I promise I will at least give some updates in that area soon. Things have......well not turned out as I planned. Apparently Sophie wasnt reading the same training materials as I was?

Stupid Letter IV: Epilogue?

2006-07-25T09:32:00.000-07:00

Well the new Yellowbook came out recently, and seeing as how the last Yellowbook brought back fun memories of my business website showing up in someone else's ad, I decided to take a looksee to what my old buddy was doing these days.

To my immense satisfaction, the number for his business is no longer listed in the Yellow Pages....nor is it in the Sioux Falls or Tea phone listings whatsoever.

Come to think of it, about a month after my last Stupid Letter post, I got a voicemail on my cell (which doubles as my business phone) with some other guy threatening to sue me (is there a freaking sign on my back I'm not aware of here?!?) over failure to complete my work. Seeing as I had never heard of this guy I started putting two and two together pretty quick.....turns out my new business website still has my OLD business name on it....along with that cell number. So I called him and very nicely explained things, and he mentioned he was some sort of legal system employee and wanted to know if I knew about how to get ahold of my old buddy. I very nicely pointed him to the Secretary of the State website, which has his name and I think even his address listed (as the business address of course). He mentioned my old buddy was threatening to sue him for non-payment, which the job laying half completed in the back of his office. My my....the little guy certianly is sue-happy, isn't he?

I'm not sure if this guy's lawsuit against my old buddy was successful or not, but I haven't heard from him since my letter came back, and his number is no longer anywhere to be found. Maybe he wised up and got a job better suited to his talents. Like the crazy janitor. Or professional burden on society.

In either case, I certainly wish him well.....and I wonder if that business name in my county is still available......hmmm......

X-men 3

2006-06-03T00:41:00.000-07:00

Hoping to see this movie soon.... Within the next couple of weeks anyways.

I have heard a little about the flick and, while the core storyline about a "cure for mutation" seems cool enough (and Ian McKellen's very presence assures some level of awesome), I hold out very little hope I'm actually going to enjoy the film. I'll try and post my 'unbiased' (wink!) thoughts on the movie either here or in my geek blog and we will see. I'm not SURE it will suck, but it just gives me the gut reaction of a movie I'd want to sink some money into just to make sure they made a sequel so it didn't end like THIS.

I have heard a few spoilers I won't share here that make me think this way. But I won't pass judgement yet.....I will simply wait with the ominous patience of the housewife with curlers in her hair waiting for her husband to get home from the bar at 2AM and I will see if the movie has a good excuse for what it has done.

I'm attempting to port my Geekretreat site into a portal site using PostNuke content management software. If this works out I'll have calendars, geeky news stuff, journals, forums, a place to game online (complete with character sheet storage and online die roller). Oh and a media database for all my pictures. Anyone can submit pictures up so if you're curious feel free to take a look around.

It may or may not develop into anything, but I'm learning a TON as I do it...which is really the important thing, right?

Puppy love

2006-05-31T19:14:00.000-07:00

I admit, the older I get, the more I enjoy the occasional opportunity to just...sit. No TV...no video games....no books or food or drink or distractions. Okay the computer is a distraction, but it doesn't count if I'm writing, right?

I sit here on my deck as I write this, taking advantage of the nice weather to enjoy myself and the coming twilight. I worked hard today (a rare thing for me I suppose...at least when it comes to WORK), then came home and worked on the lawn until a few minutes ago, when I grilled a late supper and decided to bring it all out here and, for a brief moment, enjoy the back yard I just spent my evening mowing.

So much of life has been stressful these last few months. Bailey's last month and death seem to have bled into an equally stressful period with work. Days have been long and tempers have been short, and overshadowing it all are health problems I've been having since February that just aren't going away. Doctors said it was my medicine, then they said it was allergies, and the current theory is that it's stress (which I believe more). In the back of my mind some sick part of me hasn't ruled out brain cancer or an aneurism, but the docs have at least been good at assuring me that isn't the case.

You know, I really do believe it's stress. In the quiet moments like this where I can be alone and peaceful, things don't seem to hurt so badly. Hell I can almost remember what it's like to be myself again.

I know the last few posts have not exactly been light and fluffy. All I can say is that not a lot of my life has been light and fluffy lately. Still, simple things like watching a storm blow in while night slowly comes give me hope things will get better soon.

Sorry if that sounds cliche. It is, at the very least, honest.

In other news, as I said in my previous post, we are getting a puppy very soon...hopefully next week sometime. Apparently I want my stress to stick around....

I kid...but in all honesty, though it was a huge fight between Brandi and I on which dog to get (you could not have gotten two more different opinions on what kind of doggy we wanted for our house and family), in the end she more or less won out by showing me pictures of the two cutest balls of fluff I have ever seen....one of which we put a deposit down on this Saturday.

She is a Cocker Spaniel - Poodle mix (I refuse to use the term 'Cockapoo'). Yes....she is one of those dogs. Apparently they don't call them mutts anymore. They are now 'hybrid breeds' and fetch twice the price of either of the parent breeds...usually because one of those parents is a poodle and that cuts down on the shedding. Amazingly enough, our new ball of fluff we invested in does not shed, which I suppose is a handy optional extra. Throw in an offroad package and bucket seats and you have yourself one fully loaded foofoo dog.

As she is a baby, and isn't trained to do anything but look cute (a skill at which all puppies excel), I have been doing frantic net research on puppy training, specifically of the Teach Them Where Not To Pee variety. After approximately 3.5 minutes of research into this subject I contacted my supervisor and asked for the two days after we pick her up off of work.

Apparently this is rather involved training...not for the light of heart. No matter how often or vehemently you explain to your ball of fluff the many differences between the toilet and the carpet, they will look at you as if you just said the smartest thing they have ever heard, and if you're lucky they will wait to pee on said carpet until you turn around. So it takes patiencce, it takes the ability to wake up every couple of hours to run outside, it takes a keen enough eye to see if they just whizzed on the grass at 3:30 AM (and the willpower to care at that point)...but most of all it takes confinement. Yes, you are not only protector and loving provider for your puppy...until it learns the finer points of 'holding it', you are also the prison warden.

This is not all as easy as it may sound. Your ball of fluff still has that innate ability to look like the cutest thing you have ever seen in your life....and if that doesn't get your attention it always has high pitched whining to fall back on.

But judging by the large number of housetrained dogs in the world, I do assume it is eventually possible, and with love, attention and approximately 300 bags of dog treats, I hope to watch as our very own ball of fluff grows into a happy, intestinally normalized foofoo dog.

Well by now it's fully dark and it's just begun to sprinkle, so I'd better wrap this up, lest my laptop short curcuit on parts of my anatomy I'd rather not mention.

This was fun. Maybe you'll see me around here slightly more often in the near future. Until then, may life find you well, and may you find no wet spots in your carpet at 3:25 AM with a foofoo dog looking up at you innocently.

Eulogy for a Good Dog....

2006-05-26T08:21:00.000-07:00

I know I haven’t posted in quite awhile….I won’t even claim business as my reason this time around.

I knew I’d have to talk about my doggy when I next opened up blogger’s site, and it was just too much and too soon to try and put it all into words.

Time has passed. Healing has begun, and we have decided to look into getting a little puppy. The dog is a little small for my liking, but when I saw the picture I was lost. She is this tiny ball of fluff who has sad eyes and a droopy mouth. We will meet her this Saturday, and unless something goes horribly wrong we will pay a reserve deposit as she is weaned off of her mother, and we'll have her home sometime around the second week of June.

Before we do that, I want to talk about Bailey. I need to verbalize what the last four months have been. I'm seeing a doctor and a chiropractor right now trying to figure out symptoms that started right around this time that both think are stress-related. I don't know if it will help to write down my experience or not, but I think my doggy deserves at least this goodbye before we let another dog into our home.

Sometime in late February, Bailey started acting strange, falling down and bumping into things. She wouldn’t play with her toys, got jumpier than usual, and (this we really noticed quick) started peeing on our carpets.

The bad thing about a dog is that if something is wrong you’re totally guessing. You can tell she feels bad, but she can’t communicate to you what is wrong. I bet we argued four days about what was wrong, but in the end Brandi’s theory proved correct. Bailey had gone blind.

The vet called it Sudden Acquired Retinal Degeneration (SARD). Apparently it happens to a few dogs, usually female, and usually 9+ years. Dogs who get this go blind, and it happens VERY suddenly. Bailey had probably lost 100% of her sight within 24 hours of onset. The vet was very nice to her and me, and told me some of the ways we could make life for her easier, as well as some of the hurdles we would have to face.

So we put mats down in front of all the stairs so she’d feel the change in the carpet as she got close. I worked with her for weeks trying to get her acclimated to her new world, but things didn’t seem to get much better for her. She still bashed her head into things, she still fell down the stairs almost every approach. She would get lost in the yard and would howl miserably until I went out to get her. Brandi was getting frustrated and angry with her, and I admit I was too. Bailey didn’t like going outside because there was no way to get out without having to go down stairs, so she’d pee wherever she was at the time, which often included our carpets or couch. I took her out 9-10 times daily (and every hour or so at night) and cut down on her water, but she would still go on our carpet two, sometimes three times a day.

I don’t mean to be ranting about it, but I want to give some clue as to what all of us were going through. We were stressed, I wasn’t sleeping more than a couple hours a night, Brandi was ready to drop the dog off outside of town, and poor Bailey was scared out of her wits. She couldn’t understand what had happened and we couldn’t explain it to her, so she was frightened and confused and angry, and despite all I was trying to do, it didn’t get any better.

I argued daily with Brandi over what to do. I even had my parents come out with their carpet cleaner and cleaned every carpet in the house. Bailey peed 4 times the next day.

She seemed a little better when we were around all day and paid attention to her, but when we both left for work all progress would backslide and she’d go back to being the miserable confused doggy she was before.

I kept begging Brandi for more time to work with Bailey, kept highlighting every day she seemed to get better, and trying desperately to hide every time she slipped. Looking back, I couldn’t believe how miserable –I- was throughout all of this.

I knew the last straw came when Bailey bit Brandi. I had always warned Brandi that Bailey got really snappy when someone snuck up on her and touched her, so we were both careful to make noise when approaching her. One day she got caught under the table and couldn’t find her way out, so Brandi went under there to help her. She made noise and reached out for Bailey, and Bailey snapped backward at her hand. She bit in down to the bone and hung on (yeah I meant HUNG ON).

That was pretty much it for Brandi. This was more than being surprised….it was a sign of frustration and an attack.

What I can’t believe now is that I actually talked Brandi into giving her another chance. I can only think that Brandi knew that if she forced me into giving Bailey up I would never forgive her, so she argued her point but didn’t force the issue. But she said the next time she bit, the next time she peed instead of asking to go outside…that was it. Bailey hadn’t peed on the carpet for a couple days, so I agreed. Again…looking back I think I knew it was time.

The next night I was talking about how much progress she had made (most of it lies), when I turned around and saw her standing above a large puddle. I can tell you this. I don’t think I’ve ever felt my blood actually freeze like it did then. I frantically looked to see where the cleaning supplies were and how close Brandi was…and then I just….collapsed inside. I had promised. The decision had been made. It was done.

My voice caught in my throat as I called Brandi over and pointed at the puddle. I looked my wife in the eyes, with an expression that must have truly touched her, because I could see her anger fade to concern. Without a word, I walked past her and into our bedroom. I fell down on my bed and I started sobbing into my pillow.

Four weeks of frustration and anger and pain and confusion and guilt and sorrow poured out of me as I did what I could not to start howling into that pillow. Brandi walked in and set Bailey down next to me on the bed, saying nothing. I looked up at Brandi and croaked "But she's my friend...". Brandi still didn't have any answers for me. I couldn’t even touch the poor doggy, who immediately tried to lay down next to me. I couldn’t look at her, I couldn’t offer her any more comfort or understanding.

I had nothing left.

Two days later (Brandi gave me time to make sure), Brandi took my doggy to the Humane Society, where she was put down. They were nicer than the vet would have been I think. They sat with her in a room and rocked her and petted her until it was her time to go.

Brandi says that everything finally hit her as she walked into the building. She saw how happy Bailey was to be out for a car ride, and she just broke down at the front desk. Two of the workers sat her down, broght her tissues and listened as she blurted out her story with uncontrollable sobs, as Brandi finally understood what I had been feeling….and let Bailey go.

The last we saw of our doggy was her being picked up and carried down the hall, wagging her tail.

In the end I was the one comforting my wife. She couldn’t understand why our positions had completely switched, and I told her I had already cried all the tears I could over it right then. Acceptance was this horrible calm that had settled over me. I said my goodbye to her that morning, held her and petted her, and I had let go.

I think it was the single hardest thing I have ever done.

I love my wife dearly, but I have to admit she can be emotionally distant from things she doesn’t want to deal with. She holds it all inside and doesn’t want to talk or even think about anything difficult. That being said, it almost felt good to see her break down like this. Bailey had her faults, but she was a good dog, and she loved us more than anything. Brandi’s tears meant that she understood that, and she appreciated our doggy for the brief time we had with her.

That night, I came home and gathered up all of Bailey’s things. I picked her toys up from the floor and piled them with her food and water dishes and her blankets inside her crate and took it downstairs. I figured it’d be best if Brandi got a fresh start when she came home.

I admit….I still choke up. Even now, months later, I can’t think of my dog without the memories and the guilt rushing back. I still have people in my life who don’t understand why we did what we did, and I can’t really explain it to them other than to sadly say “You weren’t there.”.

Believe me. I wish I could put everything into nice, logical points for myself and everyone else. I felt through the whole thing that if I could somehow JUSTIFY our decision that it wouldn’t seem so bad. If I could get anyone to tell me the right thing to do, I could then get the strength to accept whichever path we took.

I wish life was that simple.

Instead, I have no words. I have no explanations. I have nothing but this pit in my life where my doggy used to be.... My stupid, poop-eating, noisy, needy, loving, wonderful dog.

I suppose that’s a valuable lesson learned. In life there will come points where there are no explanations, and there isn’t necessarily a happy way out of a situation. We are occasionally forced to make decisions that we consider horrible beyond all reason. I would have given anything in the world to get out of having to make that decision. The results have taken their toll on my emotions and even had long term and serious effects on my health. But bad things happen. We try and move on. We never forget those we love.

I don’t think I was old enough to learn that lesson when my father died, and I’m not sure I fully understand it now. Mainly what I understand is that I made a decision that ended my dog’s life, and I loved that dog with all my heart. I can’t prove that it was the best decision for her, and I’ll always doubt it...but we never know for sure. All we can do is hope we did the right thing.

And remember.

Goodbye Bailey. I love you and I always will. You were a good dog and we will miss you and think about you forever and ever.

It can't rain all the time

2006-01-27T08:20:00.000-08:00

Wow....occasionally it even happens to me. That elusive treasure called a Good Day.

The dog let me sleep in later than normal, I found my long lost PDA, I got actual recognition at work for something I did, the weather is beautiful and the boss is in a good mood. All simple things, but put together they have me in the best mood I've been in in recent memory.

So I could be introspective about the Good Day and write all sorts of stuff down, or I could get back to living it.

Laters.

Stupid Letter III: Conclusion.....?

2006-01-25T10:49:00.000-08:00

Heh. Sorry about the rambling background post, but I wanted to get the thought process that I was going through down. At that point I honestly forgot about this guy and continued on with life. Until, six months later, when I got that simple piece of paper delivered to my door.

To sum up, the letter stated that he had been legally operating under that business name since 2003 with records in the state department to verify. It said that he had invested a significant amount into advertising (which the letter implied I should have seen before I opened my business), including his YellowBook ad and advertisement on his car. It also stated that he already owned and operated a website under my domain name, and it said that I was currently illegally using both his business name and the domain name, and that I had seven days to not only stop using the business name, but to relenquish the domain name back to his possession or he would file civil and criminal charges against me. The letter had a message at the bottom saying it was CCed to an attorney.

Ahhh.....where to begin? :-)

This letter ticked me off on so many levels I'd need an elevator to reach them all. It didn't help that I got the letter on a Friday evening and had to wait until Monday to actually get ahold of any form of legal representation to ask about this mattter, but that was only the beginning.

Don't get me wrong, I was scared. I didn't know what to do. It didn't seem legally like he could do anything to me, but what did I know? I thought I was operating my business on the up-and-up (I had a tax ID and paid every few months), but I really had no idea. But the thought that I might have to just....just GIVE my domain name to him because he decided to be a bully rather than pay for the name, simply because he screwed up and gave a website name he didn't own for an ad he was paying thousands on....well obviously I wasn't thrilled. Adding to my ire was the the fact that he was lying about half of the stuff he put in there, he was threatening to file criminal charges against me, and last but certainly not least, he included my wife in the letter (and the threats) as well.

Oh and did I mention these seven days he gave me were over the Thanksgiving holiday?

I don't usually try and make blanket statements, but screw this guy....

I called lawyers, and even met with a copyright attorney to find out if I was in trouble. I did a lot of research on US laws in this area. I also started looking into public records of his business. His letter started looking sadder and sadder the more I found out.

Obviously it was just as I had said....a bully's attempt to get me to make a quick bad decision and give him a domain name he was too stupid to register beforehead. CRIMINAL CHARGES??? IN SEVEN DAYS???? DEAR SWEET JEZEBEL I'D BETTER SIGN THE DOMAIN OVER TO HIM RIGHT AWAY!!!

Here is what I found:

1. His claim to have legally operated his business since 2003 - Lie.
I did find out I had neglected something. Businesses need to register their names (called Ficticious Business Names) with their Secretary of the State office. I checked our online database of names, and found he had indeed registered our business name. Exactly two weeks before he sent me the letter. In another county. Obviously he had done some planning and got the business name reserved, but was either too dumb to realize it would have a registration date on it AND that he would need to register in a county I did business in....or he thought I was too dumb to check. Even if it was the latter, it was ten dollars to get the name in our county, so that brings me back to the stupid argument. In fact, the name is still free in my county. It's only a misguided sense of honor that keeps me from buying and hedging him out of my city with regards to this name. But hey, I was able to register my NEW business name, so I don't count it as a total loss.

2. His claim to have operated a website under my domain name - Lie
Okay this one I already knew. I had records from ICANN that list me as the sole legal owner of the site. In fact, this was the one thing I could be sure on. He didn't register the site and wanted it to look like I stole it from him....at least to me. I was a bit wary that if he owned the business name (in any counties) that he could demand it from me legally, but the attorney we talked to alleviated those concerns. Unless he filed for a copyright, that wasn't going to happen.

3. Seven days (over a holiday) turnaround time - Umm....no.
Got this one pretty easily too. By law any cease and desist letter gives the recipient thirty days to respond and to seek legal counsel. The letter became more of an obvious bully's ploy. Speaking of which....

4. The letter itself - Crap.
It ocurred to me almost right off the bat. This letter didn't actually arrive in an envelope. I had no identification from the guy who delievered it to me. It wasn't on any legal letterhead and actually looked like it was printed out from MS Word on some home Inkjet printer. This wasn't official in any sense. I also looked up the name of the attorney. It didn't come up. I find it highly doubtful that any attorney in the city isn't listed in the phone book or on the web. If I gave one whit about countersuits I'd sue him for false legal representation.

I could go on, but I realize I'm just spewing words onto the page at this point. That is how fresh this still is after two months. I may be whining and I may be an idiot for thinking it, but I've never had someone try to do something like this to me before. It hit me so hard that I was afraid to answer my door for a month, and I was just too angry to work on the site or even on web design, and that eventually translated over into the rest of my life.

In the end, I sent him a certified letter back saying that I wasn't going to comply with his deadline, that I was seeking legal counsel regarding his claims, that I needed written proof that he had legal rights to the business name and the domain name prior to last month before I'd go any further with the negotiations....and asked him to forward the letter to his attorney because I coudn't find him listed. :-)

Once again I haven't heard from him since....

So that is a brief overview of what drained the creativity, and in general what I've been doing lately. ;-)

I'm sorry for taking so long with it. I know it isn't well written and isn't pretty, and it doesn't come CLOSE to how I really felt, but I think it was important to get out anyways.

Soapbox or not, I promise I'll put more thought into the next post. For now, thank you for reading (because if you've read this far you obviously care at least somewhat) and may the rest of your day be better than the last few minutes.

- Chris

Stupid Letter II: Electric Boogaloo

2006-01-25T08:45:00.000-08:00

I operate a very small local business, basically doing work for a few people I know with the hope of getting more, but no money for advertising. Last March, after a few weeks of searching for a domain name, I managed to find a decent name that was not taken, so I jumped on it. After another few weeks, I had what I felt was a pretty nice site. I wanted to do a lot with it, giving local ads and good buys, telling people of cool things I had come across, I even put up a couple articles I wrote on various PC-Health topics. The site was also a test-bed for me learning all I could about Java, PHP, Dreamweaver and the Adobe Suite.

Two months later an ad came out in our local YellowBook for a business with the same name as my own. Interesting thing was that this ad had my website listed on it, Realizing the guy who took out the ad must have made a big mistake, I figured I'd get a call from him.

He did call, but it didn't exactly go how I thought it would.

Guy: I just wanted you to know that I've been operating under this business name for three years now.

Me: Ah. I see.... *waits for offer to buy domain name*

Guy: So....yeah.

I mean this guy was weird. I'm not sure if he didn't care or if he expected me to fall all over myself with apologies for taking his name and offer to give him the domain name I paid for fair and square. I suspect a third possibility. That he's just all out stupid. I will attempt to justify this theory later....

In the end I offered to sell him the domain name if he wanted it, realizing he'd just bought an ad for thousands of dollars with a website to a different business. He said he'd think it over and get back to me. When he called the next day I offered to sell it to him for $600, with an offer of $1k for the entire site (which I considered pretty good).

He mentioned to me that he hated web page design and upkeep, so getting the domain name wasn't previously important to him (yeah, right), so he didn't know if it'd be worth paying that much for the domain name. At this point I thought he might have been psycho and was suspecting stupid, but I was still too excited about the prospects to listen to my gut. So as an alternate offer, I said I'd be more than willing to administer the site for him if I could get referral business out of him (he said he hated web design but seemed to be pretty successful with his PC Support business). He said he'd probably do that and to go ahead and change the site to his name. I asked him to contact me with details on what he wanted, his information and the frequency of work I might get from him.

As I'm sure most of you are probably guessing right now, I never heard back from him. Thankfully I was at least smart enough to make the decision not to change my website in the least until he got back to me.

To be honest, I assumed then that things could get weird, so I went out and bought another domain name and started doing business under THAT name instead of my original one. An idea which, in retrospect, I am very grateful I had.

Next post: The Letter, what went down because of it, and my thoughts on what really happened.

Stupid people and the legal system

2006-01-25T06:24:00.000-08:00

As previously mentioned, I had a rather interesting November, and it and the busy holiday season really started to derail me from all the varioius projects I had taken on. Now that I'm coming out of it all, I figure I'll write down what happened.

On a warm Friday evening (warm for winter in South Dakota anyway), I got home from work and was eating a quick dinner of frozen burritos with fresh salsa bought from our local authentic mexican place (thereby making even frozen burritos awesome) when I got a knock on the garage door. I answered it to find a younger guy in a white shirt and tie who asked me if I was "Mr. Buss". When I confirmed that was who I was, he handed me a folded piece of paper, said "You have been served." and headed back down towards the driveway to his car.

I've been.....what?

I was stunned. I didn't even ask him who he was or where he came from. I just opened up the paper and saw the words across the top:

Cease and Desist Notice

I will admit to you. This is the second draft of this blog entry. The first draft included a scanned copy of the letter and my exact thoughts on the matter. Since then my paranoia has kicked in and I realized that public defamation of character of someone who is already threatening legal action against me probably isn't the best idea I could come up with, no matter how happy it would make me. So I'm going to be vague on the names, but honest in opinions and feelings.

You know, on second thought I'm going to split this post up. Consider this the intro. Next post will be the background info.

Who is that Buss guy again?

2006-01-24T13:25:00.000-08:00

It amazes me how cyclical life can be sometimes. Ambition and laziness, improvement and relaxation...it all comes and goes. I suppose it is at least comforting to know when I turn into a lazy bastage that I will eventually emerge, ready to do more with my life.

So I'm back, and I will soon once again start my infrequent musings on whatever the heck I feel like musing about. I'm not quite out of the lazy part yet, but I'm getting there. I can feel myself coming out of it and wanting to make my life better once again.

My previous self improvement high ended very suddenly one Friday evening this last November. I will speak more on this fun subject in my next letter. Until then may life find you well.

P.S.: I have turned on word verification for blog comments. I apologize for this, but the amount of spam comments is getting out of hand. I want to keep the ability to comment around (as occasionally I need to be put in my place), but I'm hoping this extra step will be at least a speed bump to the schmucks posting about 1ove spe11s and herba1 remedies. Thank you for understanding....

Wife Logic (formerly Girl Logic but I got too scared to say it)

2005-08-10T08:24:00.000-07:00

Take a look at the comment in the blog below. Now that is amusing. :-)

Friend, I thank you for taking the time to come visit me, and I'm all about improving my life, but I'd need to know who you were and who you represent BEFORE I call any number. This text looks exactly like the other 50,000,000 spam emails that I get on a daily basis, and until it's proven otherwise I'm going to treat it like I do every other spam message and politely ignore it.

Oh and I'm not interested in herbal viagra either. (joking)

(I mean I'm NOT joking about not being interested but the entire thing was a...dammit never mind....)

I'm beginning to realize once again how little I understand women. Maybe it's not women. It could be just my wife.

I grew up watching sitcoms, like most of my generation, laughing at the Stupid Husband's inability to understand his wife, and his insensitivity that would lead to the fight we ALL knew was coming, and the eventual hijinks that would lead them back to happiness and marital bliss.

Looking back, I can only assume that these people are now laughing at me.

Don't get me wrong...I am an intelligent and fairly well spoken individual. I pride myself on being able to show empathy in a lot of situations with a lot of people. But for some reason around my wife I turn into a slobbering insensitive boob who can't seem to extract his foot from his mouth, let alone understand my life parter's motivations or thoughts.

Most of this I can track down the problem as being somewhere between the both of us, but as much as I love her, I am convinced some of our disagreements happen because she is totally insane.

We've had the toilet seat fight (I lost). We've had the discussion about yardwork (I'm still doing it all). But I have to say that the most contention (beyond money) we have is the Husband's Kryptonite...shopping.

I had no idea the stereotype was true! Five years ago I was blissfully unaware of the negative effects that four straight hours of shopping can have on a man's nerves and back.

Now I will admit I fit the stereotype of a "guy shopper". I don't like stores. I don't like crowds. So without alchohol being involved somehow, I tend to either avoid both or get my business DONE and get out. If I need something, I formulate my plan of attack before I hit the front doors. I know what I want, where it is, and how to best get there and then back to the cash registers. Once inside the store, I advance with ninjalike presicion along my path, swoop down to grab the item and I'm gone as quickly and stealthily as I came.

Yesterday we decided to head to the grocery store to pick up a few "essentials". I was under the false impression that this involved getting milk, Diet DP, some form of snack, and a couple of frozen meals for lunches. And to our testament we did GREAT for the first three aisles of the store! Then things slowed down. I dutifully followed my wife, knowing that to say anything would make me the crabby bad guy, no matter how late it was. We plodded around. We looked at items for full minute periods to decide if they were "essential" or not. Half an hour, $80, and six bags later, we managed to supply ourselves with enough sustenance to get through the next few days.

Of course I say this with tongue firmly planted in cheeck, and can guarantee you that I exaggerate on some things (though the prices, time and events of the above shopping trip are factual). In the end, my decorum (read: abject fear) slipped and I was the insensitive boob once again.

I think the only thing that amazes me more than how illogical she can be is how illogical -I- can be when faced with these little marital snafus.

Tim Taylor...Carl Winslow...Cliff Huxtable...I am very sorry for not understanding you, and I'd very much appreciate it if you'd ease up on the Karma.

I can hardly wait until I have to deal with KID logic. :-)

Peace out.

the Cutting Edge

2005-08-05T12:44:00.000-07:00

the Cutting Edge

(65% dark, 52% spontaneous, 38% vulgar)

your humor style:
CLEAN SPONTANEOUS DARK

Your humor's mostly innocent and off-the-cuff, but somehow there's something slightly menacing about you. Part of your humor is making people a little uncomfortable, even if the things you say aren't themselves confrontational. You probably have a very dry delivery, or are seriously over-the-top.

Your type is the most likely to appreciate a good insult and/or broken bone and/or very very fat person dancing.

PEOPLE LIKE YOU: David Letterman - John Belushi

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 72% on dark

You scored higher than 72% on spontaneous

You scored higher than 54% on vulgar

Link: The 3 Variable Funny Test written by jason_bateman on Ok Cupid

Not enough time in the world...

2005-07-01T14:53:00.000-07:00

So I'm trying to learn balance in my life....

I've been struck by the learning bug. I've been like a sponge lately, soaking up all the information I can on various (mostly geeky) topics. Cascading Style Sheets, web design tips, PHP, Visual Basic, etc....

Well you get the picture. Some of this comes from the desire to maybe make a side hobby or even possibly a career out of web design, as mentioned in my previous post. Mainly it's nice coming home from work and feeling like I accomplished something, rather than just sitting on my bum all day for nothing.

Unfortunately I seldom can do anything in moderation, and it is taking over my life a bit. Less actual work gets done than I'd like to, and the evenings that I can spend working on this stuff means I have to let other things go, like chores and free time and marital bliss (because of the lack of chores). Combine this with the fact that I still want to play my games (on and off the computer) and get passable sleep, and I really don't have enough hours in the day.

Even worse, my mind is constantly buzzing about my learning topic of the day, meaning half of the time I'm only half listening to what anyone says. It's like I'm inheriting ADHD and senility all at once, and I know Brandi is getting very tired of asking me to do something and getting an affirmative grunt, which she knows means I'll forget all about it in five seconds.

So I somehow need to fit it all in, which means that, for right now, I need to take a step back on some of my projects. I haven't given up my precious precious games, but some of the pages I've been promising myself I'd do have been pushed onto the back burner. I have a goal this weekend and it does not involve designing anything but a plan to clean the bathroom and watch some of my TiVo crap that has been sitting around since March.

Four day weekend coming up....God bless America...and I think the most important thing I can do is to grab a beer, walk out to my deck, lay down on my porch swing with the dog, and relax.

I wish everyone the best for the 4th, and take at least some time to remember some of the people who made (and make) it possible to enjoy our long weekend.

And pray for me. So far I've found that my notion of balance may require a sledgehammer being taken to my laptop.

Peace out.

Disjointed ramblings

2005-06-27T14:47:00.000-07:00

I know, I know....I'm Lazy McNopost. Actually I think the reason is life has been okay lately, and I usually only write when I get angry. :-)

Life proceeds apace. I am learning as much as I can about web design and the associated programs. Right now it's a hobby. Eventually? Who knows? I've actually found I have a modicum of talent for it, amazingly enough, and enjoy doing it and figuring out new things. I'd love to be able to go to work and just do that, but I don't have the education or certs, and don't look very accomplished on paper. Plus, I've found one of the surest ways to suck any fun out of anything is to be forced to do it as employment, so it is definitely only a dream right now.

Tomorrow I turn 30. Cripes....30 years old. I think I'm still at the point where it's easier to forget about it than dwell on it, but I can feel the depression mounting. Things take longer, and hurt longer now, and I notice it. I'm more tired than I used to be (and that's saying something). I wish my faith was strong enough so it wouldn't bother me, but I don't even have that cushion right now. So once again I will repress and muse on it later when things aren't as fresh. In the meantime I plan on enjoying tomorrow as much as I can and remembering that growing older is still better than the alternative.

An online buddy of mine's dog just died....
It really got me thinking about my doggy. I really don't know what I'd do if she passed away. I think I'd mourn her as much as I would any family member that passed on.

Stupid dog....I never realized I'd get this attached to her. We've had her for about a year now and she's our baby. She's too loud and too whiny and too skittish and eats her own poo, but we forgive all of that in a second because she's Bailey and she loves us.

That's a pretty cool feeling, by the way. I think I'm going to go home and play with her for awhile.

I'll drag the soapbox out next time. For right now, peace be with you, wherever you are, and try to spread a little of it around to someone else while you're at it.

Laters.

Heheh....yeah....

2005-01-13T21:20:00.000-08:00

Check out this noise...

Does my heart good to see a child stalking case turn out with the girl's father and uncle beating the crap out of the guy before he was able to pull her into the car. Did they use excessive force? Sure. But once I saw pillows, duct tape and a knife inside that car, I'dve kicked him a few too many times myself. Well done!

I'd love to say this surprises me. (P-13)

2005-01-12T12:30:00.000-08:00

Okay, we all knew this was coming...I watch Dateline, I get angry about stuff. So I apologize ahead of time for the predictability of this entry (I hate it every time I read it, but don't have time to redo it just yet), but even if it's predictable, the subject I'm talking about still bothers me.

So without further ado...it's Buss's Rant About the Tsunami Disaster. :-)

Wow. An example of human nature at its finest.

One of the most horrific natural disasters anyone could imagine, and while many people have pulled together and donated (might I suggest Amazon.com's donation option for an easy way to help out?) or went over to help Tsunami victims...there will always be people out there ready to think with the wrong head and take advantage of the poverty and devastation the tsunami caused to satisfy perverse pleasures.

Yeah yeah, I know this has always been a problem. Buying and selling girls as young as 6 for sex slaves or prostitution has been a problem in that part of the world for a long time now. We just dont' think about it normally. But pair it with a disaster of this magnitude and once again it hits Dateline and every other major news media service out there.

The problem is that there are so many children who have lost their entire families just walking around, that people can just grab them, stuff them in a building and nobody ever hears from them agian, because nobody bothers looking for them. This really isn't the authorities' fault. There are thousands of these orphans just walking around.

I think we can't deal with the tsunami on a lot of levels. We can't even look at it how it really is. One person dies, that's easy to assimilate and be horrified and outraged...but when the death toll grows to tens or hundreds of thousands...we just can't deal with the magnitude of that (credit goes to Eddie Izzard for that philosophical idea). It makes us almost numb to it all. But I'm sure it is only too poignant for the survivors....

The thing that really makes me sick is the thoguht that for a child to have survived all that, to have lost everything they own and everyone they love only to be snatched into a life as a prostitute or, even worse, sold into that life by the reminants of their own family...people they should be able to trust.

Okay, how the hell does one look their own son or daughter in the eyes as they are pulled away, knowing that they are going to be someone else's work or sex slave?

But this isn't a simple condemnation of people in that area of the world...ohhhh no. They have the flimsy but present excuse of being desperate. Take a look at a lot of the accounts. You think it's the same impoverished people who buy these children?? Sorry...no. Unfortunately all too often it's us. Obviously not just Americans, but foreigners in general. People from Better Places that don't have to worry about their next meal that are taking advantage of the poverty and what some people there are willing to do to get out of that poverty in order to satisfy desires that would normally not be easy to satisfy. It'd be sick and wrong to take an American child and molest them, so they take a plane ride, some of them under the guise of relief workers.

I believe with all my heart that child molestation is the single biggest sign of decline in our society, and their children are no less innocent or deserving of safety than ours. When you can feel lucky that you've made it to 18 without being whored out or outright sold into slavery....that's just....sad.

I really have no good way to end this. I understand that feeling like this now of all times shows more than a little hypocrisy. I understand that if I feel this strongly about it, I should be on a plane headed for Indonesia right now to help. Honestly? If I could scrape together the money for a plane ticket and wouldn't lose my wife and job by going, I'd consider it. But the demand for these kids has been created by the rest of the world. That guy busted on Dateline who left his cushy job and life in America twice a year to "Vacation" in that area of the world (and sleep with a few teenage prostitutes while there)? His life is probably ruined now, and all I could think was "GOOD!!". Screw him and everyone like him that thinks of themselves as morally above anyone else because they have a better lifestyle. Screw his rationalization that because the youngest girl he'd ever slept with was fourteen that he was better than most people who do this sort of thing.

Sorry if this is not one of my better entries. Not even one of my better rants. I don't have words to put this all in to. I don't even think I'm the one who should be complaining about this, given my butt is on my comfortable chair in front of my expensive computer in a temperature controlled building with Old Navy jeans on it and not helping these people I profess to care so much about.

Ah well. That's why I have the advantage of being able to write whatever I want in here and not have to worry about how it sounds and even (like in this case) if it has a lick of cohesion or makes any sense whatsoever.

But if you read all this drek and agree, cool. Please consider donating somewhere in the very least. It helps. If you don't agree and think I'm an ass for saying all this....well you're probably right. Please still consider donating. These people need your help, and it's also in human nature to help one another.

Thank you.

End of an era...

2005-01-03T16:46:00.000-08:00

Just caught this bit of news this morning on the radio. Dave Barry is (for now) leaving the Miami Herald.

I grew up reading Dave Barry. His style of writing was, to me, a big inspiration. He was someone I very much looked up to as a writer. Role model? Probably not...but definitely one of the people I'd love to emulate better in my writing. Well at least the rants and humorous writing... :-)

Wow will I miss reading his articles. It's not often I am caught trying not to laugh so hard that I snort my morning soda when reading the newspaper (I try and stay away from the editorials), but every single article Dave has written has made me laugh out loud. His humor was always something I could count on to be creative and silly, and I always was caught off guard by some aside or comment he made. He taught me that Stupid Titles Were Always Funnier In All Caps, he perfected the use of the parenthesis to insert that little smartass comment into an otherwise normal sentence, and, most of all, it was just fun to read his weekly thoughts.

I hope he comes back someday, but until then, I've got about four of his books to buy and read.

This goodbye letter was posted in the Herald to his fans:

The last laugh (for now)

There comes a time in the life of every writer when he asks himself - as Shakespeare, Tolstoy and Hemingway all surely asked themselves - if he has any booger jokes left in him.

For me, that time has come. I've been trying to entertain newspaper readers since the '60s, when I wrote "humor" columns for the Haverford College News. I put "humor" in quotation marks because when I go back and read those columns today, I don't get any of the jokes. But at the time they were a big hit with my readership, which consisted pretty much of my roommates.

After college, I got a job as a reporter at the West Chester, Pa., Daily Local News, where I was also allowed to write humor columns. I thought they were pretty good, but after my third one, an editor took me aside and told me - this is an absolutely true quote - "you used to be funnier." That was more than 30 years ago, and since then hardly a week has gone by during which somebody has not told me that I used to be funnier.

I sometimes got discouraged, but I kept at it, year after year, the past 22 of them at the Miami Herald. Why didn't I give up? I'll tell you why: I have no useful skills.

Also, this job has been a LOT of fun. Here are just a few of the things that, as a professional humor columnist, I have actually been paid to do:

I picked up my son, Rob, at his junior high school in the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile. (Rob, now 24, claims he has forgiven me, although, to be safe, I'm still in the federal witness protection program.)

After I wrote a column suggesting that opera might be fatal to humans, I was invited to Eugene, Ore., to participate in the Eugene Opera's performance of the Puccini opera "Gianni Schicchi." I played the part of a corpse.

An Air Force pilot took me for an F-16 fighter jet ride, during which - while hurtling through the brilliant-blue sky high above the Straits of Florida faster than the speed of sound - I threw up.

After I made fun of North Dakota, the city of Grand Forks invited me up there in January, and, in a deeply moving (also deeply cold) ceremony attended by a crowd of dozens, the mayor of Grand Forks, Mike Brown, dedicated a new sewage-lifting station in my honor. (Mayor Brown's official proclamation very eloquently compared my work to the production of human excrement.)

I went on the David Letterman show and demonstrated to a nationwide television audience that it is possible to set fire to a pair of hairspray-soaked men's underpants using a Rollerblade Barbie doll. (To my knowledge, Rollerblade Barbie is the only Barbie ever recalled as a fire hazard, although I am not taking credit.)

These were all fun things to write about. But many of my favorite columns were suggested by you readers, an amazingly alert group. If an important news event occurs - a toilet exploding, for example, or a boat being sunk by a falling cow or a cow exploding - I can count on my readers to let me know about it. On the other hand, if I write something that turns out - despite my relentless fact-checking - to be inaccurate, such as that Thomas Jefferson invented the atomic bomb, I will receive dozens of letters, often very irate, correcting me. I cherish those letters most of all.

So this is a great job. And yet I'm quitting it, at least for now. I want to stop before I join the horde of people who think I used to be funnier. And I want to work on some other stuff. So for the next year, I won't be writing regular columns, though I hope to weigh in from time to time if something really important happens, such as a cow exploding in a boat toilet.

At some point in the next year I hope to figure out whether I want to resume the column. Right now, I truly don't know.

So in case I don't get to say this later: Thanks to all you editors for printing my column, and thanks especially to all you readers for reading it. You've given me the most wonderful career an English major could hope to have. I am very grateful. And I'm not making that up.

Originally published on January 2, 2005

An apology

2005-01-03T14:34:00.000-08:00

I know it's been over a month since I posted and I left things on a very depressing note, but I promise it wasn't depression that kept me from writing...it was how busy things were at work and home (and World of Warcraft. Stupid game....) and the holidays that kept me from even surfing, let alone writing.

One hole I want to avoid falling into is writing when I have nothing to write about. I suppose if I ever wanted to get a job as a journalist it'd be good for me to learn to find things to write about, but I would hate to read a blog post about what happened in my boring day, so I just don't post unless something bugs me or intrigues me enough to write about.

I should probably watch the news more. That or pay more attention to what I might be able to write about. Either way I'll attempt to post more often if I can.

I have another blog for the more geeky shiznit in my life over at http://geekboi.blogspot.com if anyone is interested. I mainly keep my gaming and geek stuff out of this blog in order to avoid scaring friends and family, but that also means I may have more opinions and such going on over there. This has better writing, that is written to slightly more often. You make the call.

Hope

2004-11-19T10:34:00.000-08:00

I did it. I read through what I wrote just once. I was choking up again. It looks horribly written and makes me sound like an emotional wreck. I suppose I am, but I try not to show it most of the time.

But it is honest.

It's interesting to see what a fear of death like this can do. I can't see myself ever intentionally killing someone else, because what I feel about life is so strong that I could never deprive someone else of it. Obviously this does not make me an ideal candidate for military service.... :-)

Whether it's a simply a biological process or we are something more, life is beautiful. So often I want to sing just because I'm able to sing, to laugh because I'm able to laugh. I don't mind working because I'm able to work. Rolling in the grass down a hill is a priviledge we should take advantage of. Walking in the rain on a summer day has a beauty in its sights, sounds and smells that no "After the Rain" candle is ever going to match. This world is full of wonder and can be the greatest teacher in what is truly important we will ever have.

But to see all of those things we have to look.

My wife sometimes gets confused and frustrated with that side of me. I want to do dumb things. I want to look at things like a child again. I think it's important to take time for these things.

Now I'm not someone who obsesses about these things. I get caught up in daily life and hate going to work in a cube, hate not being able to enjoy a sunny afternoon, worry about my taxes and my lawn and my health insurance just like everybody else. I just sometimes get introspective and think how much better I'd enjoy life if there were more people around who wanted to sing because it makes them happy....

My friend's mom got her tests back last night and the lung cancer has not spread. She is in surgery this morning to remove the cancerous portion of her lung, and the docs say that if all goes according to plan she won't even really notice it's gone.

Either life is funny or prayer is powerful. I hope it's both. :-)

Life

2004-11-18T13:28:00.000-08:00

I just found out my bud here at work's mom has cancer. She'll know if it is operable tonight. If it is, she'll go into surgery tomorrow to remove the cancerous part of her lung. If it isn't...well they won't be doing surgery.

I have no idea why it's hitting me so hard, but I keep thinking of what I'd do in that situation. I'd think it'd be so quiet....almost like a bad dream. I'd have to think it'd be something you couldn't quite convince yourself was real just yet. You're convinced you're going to get good news and be okay, but....what if you don't? Then you tell yourself worrying won't change things, so you try and think about something else and deal with the news when you get it. But every moment you watch the clock tick by.

I don't think it's too much of a secret that I'm going through an early mid life crisis. My faith, my certainty of what comes after life, any sense of peace I had has been tested and somewhat shattered lately. The pills help me think of other things, but it's always there.

My buddy has just been through the loss of a child as well. I have no idea how he deals. I think it'd feel like my heart was ripped out. I'd feel like the unfairness and randomness of life and death was always present, that anybody could go at any time. Most times we tell ourselves nice things to deal with that fact, but I wonder what would happen if they weren't true? The horror of this just hurts so badly that I have no idea how to live with it as it is, and if I were in his shoes I think it'd be too much to bear. Again, I admire his strength, because I am certain I wouldn't be able to hold up under similar pressure.

One of the great philosophers of our time, Calvin, was discussing life and the afterlife with his stuffed tiger Hobbes in the middle of the night after losing a baby bird he found the day before, and the though that drove them both under the bed was the big question...why? Why him? Why did the bird have to die? What did he do to deserve it? The answer just isn't there. His words were "It's either mean or it's arbitrary, and either way I've got the Heebie Jeebies."

Maybe we weren't meant to know such things. Maybe how we deal with the spectre of death determines what kind of person we are. I wish I knew. In the Christian faith, God doesn't want to give us the cheat sheet. It's easy to be faithful if you know God exists, not so easy if you don't. I hate that.

Please God, if you are listening, please help her. Please make her be okay and pull through this. Life is too beautiful to lose, and a mother is too wonderful to lose like that. I want to believe there is something else and someone watching over us. I've never met her and I want her to be alright so badly I'm choking up right now.

And if my friend reads this, I hope he understands why I have to write about this here. I'm praying for you man. I'm not sure if my faith is strong enough to do much, but I'm praying. I don't want to see you hurt like that again.

This is disjointed rambling...I know. I don't have any other way to get it out though. This stuff is....difficult....to talk about for me. Every time I try to even think about life and death I send myself back into depression again, so I try to forget.

I'm going to forget for now. I'm going to go home soon and hug my wife and eat with her. I'm going to have fun tonight and not think about it if I can help it. But it'll still be there. I just have to hope, and to try and find my faith in something.

Thanks for listening, and I'm sorry all this sounds so disjointed. I'm not going to proof it, or probably ever read it again, but it had to get it out.

This makes me sad...

2004-11-12T14:37:00.000-08:00

This makes me sad...

What happened here...?

How did something like this happen? How could something like this happen?

Okay, a woman gets kidnapped in full view of groups of people in a public place and nobody does anything? A group of shoppers stop and watch her being kidnapped and make no move to help at all while she is pleading for someone to call the police...

I understand that I don't know all the details from this article, and I can understand that if I were in this situation I would be afraid that they might be armed. But how much does it take to note thier descriptions and license plate, pull out the stupid cell phone that you bought just in case Grandma decides to call from Wisconsin, and call 911?

I sent this around work, and my buddy Clint says it's called "mob psyche". People don't want to get involved. They assume somebody else is going to help so they keep out of it. They don't want to complicate their day more than it already is.

I don't want to sound morally indignant here (I know...I've failed miserably). I understand the "I don't want to get involved" point of view. Heck, I thought I was the poster child for it. I see a kid walking down the street by herself in my old neighborhood (which wasn't too nice) and thought to myself "I'll just hope the parents aren't too far behind". I see the kids jumping off their roof in the back yard and I do nothing, not wanting my neighbors to think I'm too nosy. But I do keep an eye on them, and if one of them broke their leg, I'd be over that fence.

This woman was begging for help, and people didn't do a thing. There were cars driving through all of this doing nothing! Are we that callous? Is this girl going to die because people didn't want to delay their shopping experience long enough to make a phone call, or maybe pull their car in front of the exit?

I have no idea what I would have done if I were witnessing this, but I would not have done nothing. Folks, we're all in this together. If I don't care enough to help save someone from being kidnapped and forced to do God knows what before they are killed, can I expect anyone else to?

(Note: I'd love to have and would respond to any comments about this, negative or positive, but I really don't see as it's my job. Besides I'm very busy and plan to go shopping tonight, so maybe someone else will respond in the meantime.)

On another note, speaking of those who stick their noses in other peoples business for their own good, I'd like to wish everyone a happy Veteran's Day. Though I do not approve of the current war, I do appreciate the guys over there risking everything in order to keep us safe, as well as all those who have risked just as much in other hells across the world. They have more guts than I, and I admire them. May as many as possible come home safely.

Happy Halloween!

2004-10-29T11:22:00.000-07:00

I write this as I sit here in a purple pimp costume, stuffing faar too much sugar down my throat.

Halloween is usually my favorite holiday of them all. For some reason I just feel like a kid again every year around this time. I carve a jack'o'lantern, try and fine SOME reason to put on a costume, and act like I'm seven for awhile. I think Halloween is what I miss most about being a kid.

This year the decorations were a little more annoying to put up, the planning was done half-arsed and at the last minute, and it seemed like a bit of a headache. I didn't catch the spirit until about four days ago when I had a discussion with my wife on the nature of Halloween.

When I get kids I would like to have the knowhow and time to work with them to build a true haunted house, putting up smoke machines and animated spooks and paper mache ghosts and skeletons. My wife is not thrilled about this idea. She said we shouldn't bother with that much fuss and expense over a holiday based upon the devil. I thought she was joking to begin with, but she was dead serious. Since that time, I have heard at least three other people mention that Halloween was a Satanic holiday, and so I decided to dust off my soapbox once again.

Friends, this is just not true. I certainly don't know all there is to know about Halloween, but allow me to elaborate on what I do know.

Open your history books to page....*ahem*....anyway....

About 2,000 years ago, the Celts (not the Celtics...they are from Boston) had a holiday called Samhain (pronounced Sa-win). Named after the Celt god of death, Samhain fell on October 31 to mark the end of the autumn season and the beginning of winter. It was known as the Day of the Dead (again, not Dawn of the Dead). People would light fires, carve scary faces on turnips and gourds and dress in costume in order to scare away the ghosts and goblins running about. When the Romans first conquered the Celts in the first century A.D., they added parts of two of their own festivals: Feralia, a festival held to honour the dead, and Poloma, named after the Roman Goddess of fruit and trees.

Now, the Catholic Church, angered by these pagan practices, wanted to eliminate Samhain. Pope Gregory declared a new religious festival called All Saint's Day, designed to honor all the Saints who did not have their own holiday. As part of the custom of All Saints Day, people would dress up in a costume that represented a saint, and young men would go door-to-door begging for food to feed the town's poor. A few hundred years later, the date was changed so that it would fall on November 1st.

As time passed, the customs of Samhain and All Saint's Day began to merge. The mass said on All Saint's Day was known as Allhallowmass and the day became known as All Hallow's Day, and the 31st was known as All Hallow's Eve.

The Irish population that immigrated to America brought with them the customs of All Hallow's Day, and these customs themselves combined with an American harvest festival called Autum's Play. All Hallow's Eve became more of a time to play than a religious holiday, and the name was eventually shortened to Halloween.

Halloween is a time to be scared, both to remember that we don't always know what is going on in the world, as well as a time to play, to be a kid, to scare others and laugh in excitement and fright. It's a time to eat too much candy and stay up too late, and have one last bash before winter comes. It's also a time to remember the traditions of those who came before us, be they Christian, Celt, Roman or Colonial American.

I am a confirmed Lutheran, and though my faith sometimes waivers, I consider myself to believe in God, and I also firmly believe this holiday has as much to do with the Devil as my netherregions have to do with a donkey (get it? because they're both called a....*ahem*. sorry kids).

I hope anyone who reads this finds it enlightening. I don't get up on the soapbox just to whine, I try and educate and have an actual point before I write anything down here. Any additional comments or knowledge about Halloween or the festivals behind it are welcome in the comment section. Any views of "Halloween is the Devil's Night!!" are also welcome. That's when I can just get insulting. Belive me, getting insulted by a man in purple pajamas is a unique experience.

Later.

TAKE THAT!!!

2004-09-17T13:22:00.000-07:00

http://www.419eater.com/html/joe_eboh.htm

Most people I know remember the old Nigerian bank fraud scam where someone claiming to be a prince in Nigeria tries to get your bank account information in order to transfer $25 million into your account in order to "bypass international laws" regarding offshore accounts owned by Nigerian officials or somesuch tripe. The scammer then takes your bank account information and proceeds to take all your money out of your account and leaves you hanging.

A good tip. Never ever ever ever ever give any passwords or account numbers over email. Nobody will ask you for anything like this over an email. I wouldn't even follow links from emails (like the Paypal account scam email) asking you to verify credit card numbers in a site. If you get an email from Paypal and it is legit, they will ask you to go to their main site and fill in your information from there and not from some linked site.

Aaaanyways....this is a group of British people who call themselves "scambaiters" who pretend to fall for scams in order to screw with scammers, and post their email conversations on this webpage. This is one of the funniest things I have ever read. They even talked the scammer out of about $80! Justice is theirs!!!

The $80 was given to a local charity. :-)

Take a look, have a laugh, and start to form that healthy paranoia you will need to not get taken for a ride.

Note: Anyone looking to send their email passwords or bank account information out to a complete stranger can send them to me at my email address above. If you do so I promise I'll transfer $25 million in as soon as I get the cash up. Honest.

Hoaxes

2004-08-25T12:55:00.000-07:00

Okay, I'm throwing this childish rant out there to whoever is listening because a fire was lit under my arse today.

I hate web hoaxes. I rank them right up there with viruses and reality tv as some of the worst crap we have to deal with right now.

At least a virus had to be programmed by some (usually teenaged) programmer who was smart enough to take advantage of a security flaw in our computers. That takes a level of skill and free time I can respect. But any bunghole can make up some story about Neiman-Marcus cookies or some new worm that will reformat your hard drive, corrupt all your picture files, and call your mother to tell her about the porn you downloaded last week. And what's even worse is that millions of people will believe it.

I blame the fact that it's in writing. We believe what we read. If something has been put down into words, we have an inherent trust that it is true and verified. I assume this comes from the old days when the only written word claiming facts was put out by books that had to be fact-checked. All you had to know was that if it wasn't in a magazine within fifty feet of an issue of the Enquirer, you were fairly sure it was fact. Now any idiot can put out a "fact" in some email (or weblog) and people will believe it because it's in writing.

Sorry guys, Microsoft will not send you $5 per person you send their email to, nor will little Jenny will not get a new prostate because some company is donating to her for every person you forward this on to. Underarm deodorant will not cause cancer because it's blocking sweat glands from doing their job. Most of those celebrity articles for or against the war in Iraq? Didn't happen (come on...they HAVE publicists). Viruses will rarely actually format your hard drive (how the hell would they send themselves out if they did?), and there will never ever be a tax on email by the USPS.

My main point in this is that the only way to stop this rash of crap coming into all our inboxes is by EDUCATION. If someone sends you an email that sounds suspicious, take a moment and Google a line in it to see if it comes up. If the first place you see come up is on an anti-hoax site, chances are someone is (probably unintentionally) hoaxing you.

I don't blame anyone who sends me a hoax. I DO, however, send every one of them a nice email back with a link to where I found the hoax explained and paste the text in the page explaining why it's false. Then I pray to God that they send it back to whoever sent THEM the hoax. Think of it as my own personal version of Pay It Forward.

Often the negative press surrounding some of these emails is bad enough that companies or health officials have to make public statements about it (Neiman-Marcus has actually posted their cookie recipe to their website to stop the angry calls), or some of the anti-hoax site people simply write a company or a doctor and get the scoop themselves in order to get it out to the world. Education is a powerful thing, and looking a suspected hoax up might prevent a wife who looks under the toilet seat for a butt-spider every time she goes, or (God forbid!!!) a coworker who boycotts deodorant for fear of health effects.

See? I'm just trying to do a service here for all of us. So in the name of non-smelly coworkers everywhere, I have included a link to one of the better anti-hoax sites out there. I have more on my Links page as well.

Okay, I'll stop bugging anyone who bothered to read this far down now. It's off my chest, and I sincerely hope the next time you get a dodgy email you find the time to check and see if it's a hoax. Then you can be all smug like me and send them a morally superior email back saying they were wrong and you were right...

...and you know this because you read it on the internet!

Website update and nephew!

2004-08-16T22:25:00.000-07:00

On Monday, August 9th just before noon, my sister Kim gave birth to her second son, Nolan Christopher Buss. We visited after work, and I got to hold him for a little while. Both Kim and Nolan seemed healthy and happy.

I also did a major update to the website, and will be adding pictures of Nolan I took on Sunday, Pictures of Joey that are long overdue in being on the site, and a pic or two of Bailey.

City TechSupport is officially open. Now the main strategy is trying to get our name out there. I have checked into an ad in the local papers (Sioux Falls and other towns) and some cheaper options as well. We'll have to see what I can afford. I don't have a lot of startup cash for advertising, so I'll have to make what I do count.

Love money...hate managing it.

2004-07-27T10:05:00.000-07:00

Got the tax ID forms and such for my new venture...and remembered how much I hate dealing with financial stuff. Brandi is also wanting to be involved in the financial part, which is a very good thing. I'd rather have her involved than not knowing what's going on. She can advise me then on stuff I may have missed, and won't be left out of the loop on anything.

So I need to finish this form and find some time to get down to the SD Dept. of Regency and Regulation and talk to an advisor there.

Not too sure about advertising. I want to get some business cards and give them out to family, friends and coworkers to have my number to give to others, but I'm not sure what else to try. I don't want to put too much money into this yet, not knowing if I'll actually get any business yet. So for right now, I'm going to try the business cards and word of mouth and see where things might go from there.

Spread this around...

2004-07-23T11:18:00.000-07:00

Well I'm almost set up. Jason got me a place on the City TechSupport site as a consultant. I need to fill out a tax ID form so I can charge people for my services, and I'm good to go.

The site will be http://www.citytechsupport.com. You mouse over the Consultants tab and click on my name, and the contact info is in there. I've decided to charge slightly less than the other techs in an effort to attract the cheaper business. The goal would be to get between 3 and 8 hours a week down the road.

No idea where this might go yet, but it's very easy startup thanks to Jason, and even a few jobs would be good income. And if I get nothing, at least I didn't put much in. :-)

So...family and friends...spread the site around as much as you can, and I'll see if I can make some extra cash at this. And no, I don't drive to Colorado unless someone is willing to pay me travel time.

2004-07-21T13:42:00.000-07:00

I applied for a consulting job today at my buddy Jason's tech support site. It's called City TechSupport. My wife thinks it'd be good for me to take a second job, as her hours are not set. I personally would rather pull out my fingernails with a pliars. It seems like my free time, the time I work and try to get all this money for, is dwindling more and more.

But if I did have to work a second job, going out and cleaning viruses and installing hardware on local PCs would be it. Might give us enough money to get another car....start a family...etc....

But enough negativity!! I am writing this to say that I'm going to start on a little project. I just listed all my tapes, DVDs, and "other" movies I have down and I may, with a few friends, start a movie lending circle. We'd have a site and anyone in the circle could log in and check out a movie. I plan on having little reviews written up on all my movies and a message board underneath that anyone can commment on.

I want to write reviews. I used to really enjoy writing, and I've always thought that giving my opinons on movies, resteraunts and such would be the way to make a living. So I'm going to try this, and if it is any good I might branch out to new movies, resteraunts, and other things. I'll link the site if and when it comes up.

So today bring possibilities of two things I really really want to do, and have thought about for a long time. God bless the internet. :)

Hello, my name is Buss.....

2004-07-20T17:20:00.000-07:00

Hi!

Just wanted to start this out with a bit about me. I'm 29 years old, live in Sioux Falls, SD, and am in a fairly up and down marriage to my 23 year old wife of two years, Brandi. We just bought a house last November and are both getting to know all the extra chores and stuff associated with it. This winter was not an easy one for us up here, and I got a lot of experience with my snow blower.

I work at a Crop Insurance company doing tech support for agents and adjusters, so I'm a glorified phone jockey, but it gives me time to focus on other interests.

An admitted geek, I'm into sci-fi, comics, compter games (including Everquest), playstation games, and even a lot of role playing games. My job and these interests have made me a few friends all around the country, and I'm all in all pretty happy with my geeky lifestyle.

That's it for now. Just some background in case my musings mention basic aspects of my life. I don't want to get too far into the boring factoids, this is more of an outlet for me to get thoughts out and update people on events in my life, jokes I heard, or good websites I have found....basically whatever comes into my head at the moment that I feel like sharing.

Speaking of websites, here is mine: http://citytechsupport.com/chrisbuss. It's still under a bit of construction and transition from my old site (http://home.att.net/~cdbuss), so not all of the site may be perfect yet, but I think it's a lot more professional looking and nicer than the Frontpage-Cookie-Cutter site I had. In the site are pictures of my wedding, my newphew Joey, my house, and my dog Bailey (cutest....dog....ever) as well as a few sites I use quite often that I think everybody should at least know about.

Signing off for now to go home and play some EQ. Later.