Hope

I did it. I read through what I wrote just once. I was choking up again. It looks horribly written and makes me sound like an emotional wreck. I suppose I am, but I try not to show it most of the time.

But it is honest.

It's interesting to see what a fear of death like this can do. I can't see myself ever intentionally killing someone else, because what I feel about life is so strong that I could never deprive someone else of it. Obviously this does not make me an ideal candidate for military service.... :-)

Whether it's a simply a biological process or we are something more, life is beautiful. So often I want to sing just because I'm able to sing, to laugh because I'm able to laugh. I don't mind working because I'm able to work. Rolling in the grass down a hill is a priviledge we should take advantage of. Walking in the rain on a summer day has a beauty in its sights, sounds and smells that no "After the Rain" candle is ever going to match. This world is full of wonder and can be the greatest teacher in what is truly important we will ever have.

But to see all of those things we have to look.

My wife sometimes gets confused and frustrated with that side of me. I want to do dumb things. I want to look at things like a child again. I think it's important to take time for these things.

Now I'm not someone who obsesses about these things. I get caught up in daily life and hate going to work in a cube, hate not being able to enjoy a sunny afternoon, worry about my taxes and my lawn and my health insurance just like everybody else. I just sometimes get introspective and think how much better I'd enjoy life if there were more people around who wanted to sing because it makes them happy....



My friend's mom got her tests back last night and the lung cancer has not spread. She is in surgery this morning to remove the cancerous portion of her lung, and the docs say that if all goes according to plan she won't even really notice it's gone.

Either life is funny or prayer is powerful. I hope it's both. :-)