Less fun than I'd like....

Tomorrow I'm heading to see the Neurologist.

Man I hate this crap....

It's really not inconvenience or discomfort. This isn't like going in for a dental cleaning. The main problem I have is that I can't help but think horrible thoughts about what might be found. I've had constant headaches for seven months now. That isn't NORMAL....and no matter how many people tell me it's stress or muscle tension or neck trouble, in the end I know they have no real idea and it could be something....worse.

And it's not like tomorrow is likely to bring any real resolution to my problem. He is so busy that it took a month to get in to see him (my family doctor quite obviously doesn't think it's very important), and if my experiences with other people I've gone to with this problem are any indication, it'll be a ten minute session where he tells me to get an MRI and MAYBE puts me on some higher form of stress or muscle relaxer meds. I have been sitting for months thinking "what if it's....worse?" and I know any real knowledge is at least a week or more out.

I've heard stories of people with similar symptoms with it being simple muscle tension...some of them have gone on for more than ten months and have included fainting with the pressure. I guess I go out to look at them every once in awhile to comfort myself. Because my symptoms aren't constant, but they really getting any better either.

So in short, I'm scared. No matter how much I should or shouldn't be, the possibilities REALLY terrify me. I'd give almost anything to feel better and want to get working on what I need to in order to get there, but as much as I have been looking ahead to tomorrow as the start of the path (or at least this leg of it), I'm afraid I'll end the day with as little information as I started it.

Until the time comes, I'm really going to try not to think about any of this, and I'm trying to head to my appointment with the understanding that he won't be able to tell me what is wrong with me right away. So wish me luck.